The Daily Grind
Running both Larry’s locations was exhausting. I managed accounts, checked inventory, scheduled staff, mixed drinks, and handled opening and closing tasks. At home, I attended to my cat and girlfriend, who missed me after long days. I struggled to balance work and personal life, often feeling overwhelmed.
Customer Connections
In a service-oriented business, welcoming everyone with a smile is essential. Customers are like friends; their visits keep the business alive. Community connections are vital for success. Smiling got harder for me when I wasn’t feeling confident in the longevity of the cafes.
Taking Care of Others
In addition to serving customers, I had over ten team members to look after. After long days, I prioritized my girlfriend and cat, neglecting my own needs. I felt too exhausted to engage in activities that would benefit my mental and physical health.
Dangerous Habits
I developed a habit of drinking after work and vaping throughout the day to cope. Often, I skipped meals and relied on coffee and vaping, which heightened my anxiety.
The Loneliness
Wearing many hats made me feel isolated. I didn’t know who to ask for help and often dealt with everything alone, leading to loneliness and anxiety. My worries about the business caused significant stress and eventually depression.
A Challenging Winter
Every winter, I experience seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and holiday blues. The cold weather and snowstorms reduced foot traffic to the business, adding to the stress. I was also getting ready to leave both locations for the first time for a cruise trip I had planned several months ago. On top of this, my girlfriend’s parents were coming to stay with us before we all left together for our trip, which made me anxious about hosting them in our small apartment.
Physical Signs of Stress
A week before their arrival, I experienced tightness in my shoulder, which I attributed to stress. I noticed red spots on my back after using a heating pad, but the tightness persisted, signaling that my mind was taking a toll on my body. The third morning, I started to feel a little burning, tingling, and itching on my back and chest. I went to the ER, hoping to get something before I got really sick, before my cruise. The doctor looked at my rash and immediately said I had shingles.
The next few days, the red rashes turned into blisters. I was taking meds for it, and also worried about my girlfriend’s parents coming in a few days. They are older, and I didn’t want them to catch shingles. I learned that blister fluid can cause chickenpox, and I don’t want that for anyone. So I wore a few layers of clothes for a few weeks until the blisters dried up.
Survival
In December 2025, business at both locations slowed significantly due to the upcoming holidays, economic conditions, consumer confidence at its lowest in a very long time, and cold weather. I stayed up all night crunching numbers while my girlfriend was sleeping. I realized that if the sales continue for several months, we might go bankrupt. That was the most stressful moment of my career life, or in life. My brain was in survival mode; I slept for like an hour or two most nights for two weeks. I knew I needed sleep to rest my brain so I could have a clearer mind to find ways to stay afloat during the holidays and winter months. My brain didn’t shut off, and I was MAD at it. So I turned to the vape, and I was just on my phone doing research.
To keep the business afloat, I needed to work more and forgo paying myself until business picked up again. If it had gotten worse, I might have had to put my personal money into the business. That thought gave me more anxiety because it was my safety net, my rainy-day money. I don’t have parents or siblings I could borrow money from, and asking my friends wasn’t an option. I have never asked anyone for money. Not having money scared me, so my survival instincts took over, and walking away from the business was safe. I was in a hole, but at least I didn’t have to stay in it or dig a deeper one. Getting out on your own was a challenge.
I have never closed a business before, but I learned that walking away from my business was not simple. I was tied to two leases: three years in East Williamsburg and over four in Park Slope. Getting out seemed impossible, and my depression made it even harder to take action or seek help. I often wanted to sleep away the pain. I wanted to hide from people because I was feeling anxious. I was worried that I might have to sell my apartment to live off of until I’m on my two feet again.
Crisis Text Hotline (warning: this part can be too sensitive)
On our flight to Italy to get on our cruise trip, while everyone slept, I grappled with thoughts of losing Larry’s, my investments, and my home. The idea of being homeless, jobless, and alone felt overwhelming. I contemplated suicide to stop all the pain—even wishing for something drastic, like a plane crash. These thoughts haunted me, especially when I was alone. When I was with my girlfriend and family, I tried to act normal, and that was hard because I was with them for two weeks. Eventually, I opened up to my girlfriend and a few friends to seek help. While they couldn’t solve my problems, their support helped me face my struggles.
During the Mediterranean cruise, I often looked at the sea and considered jumping in. Yet seeing my girlfriend peacefully asleep made me want to live for her. I also thought of all the people I know: my family back in Vietnam, my friends, Larry’s community, and Luna (my cat). I thought about how sad they would be if I ended my life.
Praying & Seeking Help
Our trip included visits to various cities, including the Vatican. I’m not religious, but I found myself praying for strength and a sign to guide me through my darkness. I journaled, I wrote down my thoughts. I asked my parents to watch over me and give me strength. And each day, I focused on small tasks, deciding to live one day at a time. When I returned to Brooklyn, I continued to struggle with depression and still wanted to stop the pain. I also still wanted to get better, so resolved to seek professional help. I found a therapist who helped me create a safety plan.
Lived with stress, burnout, anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for a while, I knew I needed to step away from the business and how I was living my life. I decided to find someone to take over both of the locations. I initially wanted to keep the Park Slope spot to continue honoring my dad and to have a space for the community to come together, but I knew I needed to focus on my health. Stepping away from Larry’s was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made, and finalizing the paperwork felt like mourning my dad again.
I know he’s proud of what I’ve accomplished in such a short time. I have touched many lives, and the community at Larry’s is something special. I am grateful for the love and kindness I’ve received. I’m grateful to be here with you. I am also proud of myself for continuing to fight, to get better each day, to be able to care, love, and to live the life I choose. What also helped was how many of you have been so understanding and shown your love and kindness towards me. Thank you!
I have been reconnecting with myself and building myself up daily. If you want to know what I’ve been up to lately, HERE is the update.
Talk to you soon.